Tuesday, March 30, 2010

hey you

iya, kamu di situ! apa khabar?

syukurlah minggu ni dan mungkin minggu depan, kepala dan akal fikiran aku akan kembali jernih, jauh dari noda-noda dunia kegelapan, walaupun dikelilingi oleh mereka yang bodoh sombong, menyakitkan hati, pemalas, penipu, samseng, dan lain-lain perangai.

aku punya pegangan sendiri,

"menjadi doktor itu mudah, semudah lulus ujian.
tapi menjadi doktor yang baik itu sukar, sesukar menjadi manusia yang baik."

memang susah jadi manusia yang baik.

walau memang aku tak baik mana, paling tidak aku berusaha untuk mengetahui kekurangan aku di mana, dan dengan izin Tuhan, aku akan cuba untuk perbaikinya.

ok, berbalik kepada punca fikiran aku yang kembali sihat, itu semua kerana minggu ini aku tak perlu on-call night shift!!! yeayyy!!! tak perlu bersengkang mata.
sebab kalau aku tak cukup tidur, aku akan sangat sangat cranky dan melancholic.


sepanjang di dept. surgery ni memang sgt penat fizikal sebab sibuuuukkkk, dan penat mental sebab berhadapan dengan manusia2 spt yang aku nyatakan di atas tadiii.

tapi aku mulai enjoy, sebab dapat assist surgeon utk 2 surgery.

1st surgery aku assist, necrotomy debridement. seorang perempuan 69 tahun dengan diagnosis ulkus diabetikum at regio pedis dextra @ ulser diabetes pada kaki kanan. kalau korang pernah dengar pasal kaki dipotong sebab luka dan ada penyakit diabetes, ini lah dia.
kaki patient tu bernanah, infection sampai ke tulang. jadi surgery tu utk membersihkan nanah tadi, dan menghilangkan infection, dan seterusnya dirancang untuk dilakukan amputation.
luka kaki pesakit tadi sgt dahsyat, sebab tak payah dipotong pun, boleh nampak tulang dan tendon kaki patient tuhh.
1 hari aku trauma makan cokelat dan lain-lain makanan manis (takut diabetes) yang memenuhi refrigerator aku. hehe. 1 hari saje tak lama, sebab temptation kuat sangat hahaha.

untuk tujuan ilustrasi, aku sertakan link gambar diabetic foot
sebab kalau aku letak direct di sini, nanti, err, korang tengok sendiri lah.

2nd surgery aku assist, colostomy. ada part yang mana, usus pesakit (seorang bayi) berada dalam tangan aku. it is not everyday intestine is in your hand
so aku macam thrilled semacam la kan. walau pun aku tak minat bedah.
kalau doktor bedah, dorang masih nak cerita ka pasal operation dorang di blog? tak la kan, sebab dorang dah tak heran.
cam aku boleh la kan (very the kampungan dan kebaru-baruan), sbb nanti kemungkinan besar aku takkan jadi doktor bedah


waahh, jarang2 aku cerita perkara yang aku lalui di hospital. hehe.









Thursday, March 25, 2010

terima kasih kepada Syapiei, Jenny, dan Sheryzan untuk sokongan you all terhadap I dalam entri sebelum ini.
u guyz d best.

sebenarnya, bukan masalah penat yg menyusahkan pikiran aku paling utama, tapi orang2 yg sangat keburukan mereka tak dapat aku ungkapkan dengan kata. (mungkin ada, tapi aku takmau carut di sini).

aku terkejut dengan sikap beberapa orang disini, dan aku rasa, mereka patut dibunuh (hyperbola, hyperbola).

malam tu time aku on-call di Emergency Room.
so adalah students lain gak, perempuan semuanya. dan mereka tidak cantik sama sekali. so, boleh dikatakan luaran mereka buruk la.
tak disangka, dalaman mereka juga buruk.

ada satu makcik tua ni, dia tanya pasal apa ntah aku lupa kat budak2 pompuan yg buruk luar dan dalam ni.

makcik tua: nurse, (aku lupa apa pertanyaan nya)

perempuan hodoh A: Jangan panggil saya nurselah! (dengan kasarnya).

perempuan hodoh B: kalau nak tanya, tanya nurse lah.

makcik tua: ooh, dimana tu nurse?

perempuan hodoh B: *sambil memandang ke dinding, dengan intonasi kasar* jangan panggil kami nurse laahh!

bangsat punya perempuan-perempuan hodoh. korang ingat korang tu med. students, boleh berlagak nak mampos macam tu lahh? aku yang memang kenyataan lebih pandaii dari korang pun (bukan niat utk menyombong, tapi dah geram sgt dengan orang yang dah la bodoh, sombong plak tu) tak pernah herdik orang macam tu tau, dan tak pernah kesah orang nak panggil aku apa pun, slagi bukan sesuatu yg negatif.
makcik tu bukan tau status korang apa pun. so apa makcik tu nak panggil korang? doktor? korang tu belum ada status atau gelar pun.
pepatah kata ikut resmi padi, makin berisi makin tunduk. tapi korang tu cam belon2 condom-recycle yg tak dibersihkan, diisi helium. dah la kosong isi angin je +kotoran2 sebab belum dicuci, tapi nak terbang melebeh2 plak!

pernah skali gak aku lihat, ada sorang student ni dgn labcoat putih dia la, ditanya

makcik:"dok, tempat (lupa nama tempat tu) di mana ya?"

perempuan hodoh C: sambil terus main dengan handphone dia dan dengan nada kasar "tanya ke nurse je lah makcik!"


tapi lain pulak situasi yang ini

makcik: maaf dok, ruang Dahlia dimana ye?

Proffesor Dr. X: (dengan sopan santun) ooh, ruang dahlia ada di (sambil memberi petunjuk arah).

so, seorang proffessor ok. takda la nak berlagak cam students hodoh luar dan dalam tadi.
tak kesah pun org nak tanya jalan. selagi dia boleh membantu, dia bantu.

kata jadi doktor nak bantu org, tapi org tanya jalan tak nak bantu?
what the eff!
nak tolong org tu bukan hanya dgn jadi doktor boleh tolong orang.
tunjuk arah tu pun tolong orang jugak.


so, aku tak paham, mengapa ada manusia hodoh luar dan dalam macam ni?






Thursday, March 18, 2010

here's another update

penat sangat-sangat
aku tak tahan

mungkin bagi banyak orang, doktor itu kerjanya mulia,
tapi bagi banyak doktor, mereka itu lupa kalau kerja doktor itu mulia.

kata kawan aku, dia tak suka doktor, sebab doktor ni tiada perasaan.

hurm, ye kot. doktor memang tiada perasaan, sebab aku rasa mereka ni kadang nak fikir pasal diri sendiri pun tak sempat.

sebab aku pun makin tak berperasaan. takutlaahh nanti jadi cam batu =(


gila penat sebab sekarang surgical department.
on call macam very the eff-ing tiring tauu.
setiap minggu ada 2 shift on call kena attend. kalau shift weekdays memang &$%^%#

contoh aku on call hari isnin malam.
jadi hari isnin datang hospital jam 6 pagi, working hours until 3 pm, lepas tu on call jam 4pm, sampai 6 pagi besoknya, dan cycle working hours started again.
33 jam ok kat hospital, tak tidur!
dan on call emergency room sini memang gila sibuk, sebab hospital rujukan.
hari tu time on call, aku cuma dapat rehat jam 2 pagi, untuk 30 minit.

untuk students yang lain, ini bukan big deal untuk diorang.
tapi bagi aku, SANGAT.

sebab i get cranky if i don't get enough sleep. semua org aku nak marah, nak mengamuk.
kalau tak jadi marah2, aku akan jadi melancholic. sedihh tanpa alasan.

macam skrg ni, aku tak tau aku tengah sedih ka, tengah marahh.

hurrmm, friends, i need your supports for me to survive all this... because out of nowhere, this idea of "menyesal" crossing my mind...

=(





Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Saturday, March 6, 2010

ga ga oh la la~

ra ra ra ah ah, rama rama mah, ga ga oh la la, want your bad romance!

how i wish that was my ringtone,
only my phone only able to play certain annoying buzzing and ringing that is so uncool if heard by anybody, even to my parents (my mom's phone play some very latest song i guess, which i myself not familiar with, thanx to my sister yang rajin main my mom's phone., and my father? Sheila on 7 - Berhenti Berharap!) so i decided to turn my phone into silent mode almost all the time. no ringing, no vibrating.
so this explain why most of your phone call to me, unanswered.
by the way, not so many people want to reach me nowadays, so it doesn't really make a different.

just in case if you are wondering, +6281-809-638-169 is my number. feel free to call me, or text me, or disturb me, or whatever.

so i was surprised to know that my eldest sister, bought an iPhone, which the only reason why she bought it was so she could access her Facebook anytime, anywhere. she doesn't know if her iPhone, could download, install, and execute lots of application, berguna mahupun tidak.
so i checked hers. got some pre-installed software, such as compass.
great! so next time if she lost on her way back, her magic phone could tell her the basic direction; north, south, east, and south-east. did i missed any? watev4. u know how some uncivilized people still have the stupidest idea of we, the pretty and handsome people of east Malaysia, still living in the jungle, so iphone with compass is really useful.
oh! btw, her iPhone ringtone is some old-fashioned ringing, same as mine. so, the only different my phone and hers had are, hers got compass and can access Facebook. that's all.


i was also surprised to know that, my parents bought my brother a new DSLR, priced rm4500. crazy!!!
i don't know how he did it, because he did lost one camera, and the one after that, damaged. anak kesayangan lah kot?
i could afford the same thing with my money, or most people like to call it "the tax-payer money", or scholarship money, or just money, since few year back. but not as expensive lah. i almost bought a Sony alpha 200 priced rm1k plus, but cancel it, which made the apek at Bukit Bintang furious. hihi. so my parents, trying to be fair, offer me the same thing, only cheaper version. i reject and not so interested. because if they really wanted to act fair, they need to buy the same thing as many as 9 bijik. oh, because i have 9 siblings. and my parents are not that rich.
photography interested me. but i don't really have the time and money to involved seriously. so i decided to drop-off photography as a hobby, and embrace a new cheap, practical, and fun new hobby instead. makan tanpa mengira budaya, kaum, dan negara, kecuali agama. tetap makan makanan yang halal saja ok. oh, and fortified my all-time favorite hobby. Tidur. hehe.


now i am in a flight, on my route to KL.
there's something different which is hard to explain for my journey this time.
i don't feel the usual cramped-feeling as i used to.
people are a lot nicer than the usual passenger.
and the cabin-crew, didn't try to offer me anything in red-in-colour.
ohh, because i am on MAS. hihi.
seriously!
people didn't berebut-berebut beratur untuk naik pesawat. everybody was cool. they didn't rush. one factor because we had our seat assigned kot?
but now kan, the other airline pun dah assigned seats, tapi kenapa passengers dia masih macam orang kampung, masih berebut-berebut, even dah banyak kali my assigned seat kena ambek some stupid people who i think, can't read, or their parents never taught them not to seat on somebody else seat.
hate it.
ohh, and if u have any plan of flying, i suggest u check for MAS ticket first. because my MAS fare is cheaper by rm20 compare to the other airline, and i don't have to hide if i wanted to eat my Fillet-O-Fish i bought before departure.

hihi

ga ga oh la la~

ra ra ra ah ah, rama rama mah, ga ga oh la la, want your bad romance!

how i wish that was my ringtone,
only my phone only able to play certain annoying buzzing and ringing that is so uncool if heard by anybody, even to my parents (my mom's phone play some very latest song i guess, which i myself not familiar with, thanx to my sister yang rajin main my mom's phone., and my father? Sheila on 7 - Berhenti Berharap!) so i decided to turn my phone into silent mode almost all the time. no ringing, no vibrating.
so this explain why most of your phone call to me, unanswered.
by the way, not so many people want to reach me nowadays, so it doesn't really make a different.

just in case if you are wondering, +6281-809-638-169 is my number. feel free to call me, or text me, or disturb me, or whatever.

so i was surprised to know that my eldest sister, bought an iPhone, which the only reason why she bought it was so she could access her Facebook anytime, anywhere. she doesn't know if her iPhone, could download, install, and execute lots of application, berguna mahupun tidak.
so i checked hers. got some pre-installed software, such as compass.
great! so next time if she lost on her way back, her magic phone could tell her the basic direction; north, south, east, and south-east. did i missed any? watev4. u know how some uncivilized people still have the stupidest idea of we, the pretty and handsome people of east Malaysia, still living in the jungle, so iphone with compass is really useful.
oh! btw, her iPhone ringtone is some old-fashioned ringing, same as mine. so, the only different my phone and hers had are, hers got compass and can access Facebook. that's all.


i was also surprised to know that, my parents bought my brother a new DSLR, priced rm4500. crazy!!!
i don't know how he did it, because he did lost one camera, and the one after that, damaged. anak kesayangan lah kot?
i could afford the same thing with my money, or most people like to call it "the tax-payer money", or scholarship money, or just money, since few year back. but not as expensive lah. i almost bought a Sony alpha 200 priced rm1k plus, but cancel it, which made the apek at Bukit Bintang furious. hihi. so my parents, trying to be fair, offer me the same thing, only cheaper version. i reject and not so interested. because if they really wanted to act fair, they need to buy the same thing as many as 9 bijik. oh, because i have 9 siblings. and my parents are not that rich.
photography interested me. but i don't really have the time and money to involved seriously. so i decided to drop-off photography as a hobby, and embrace a new cheap, practical, and fun new hobby instead. makan tanpa mengira budaya, kaum, dan negara, kecuali agama. tetap makan makanan yang halal saja ok. oh, and fortified my all-time favorite hobby. Tidur. hehe.


now i am in a flight, on my route to KL.
there's something different which is hard to explain for my journey this time.
i don't feel the usual cramped-feeling as i used to.
people are a lot nicer than the usual passenger.
and the cabin-crew, didn't try to offer me anything in red-in-colour.
ohh, because i am on MAS. hihi.
seriously!
people didn't berebut-berebut beratur untuk naik pesawat. everybody was cool. they didn't rush. one factor because we had our seat assigned kot?
but now kan, the other airline pun dah assigned seats, tapi kenapa passengers dia masih macam orang kampung, masih berebut-berebut, even dah banyak kali my assigned seat kena ambek some stupid people who i think, can't read, or their parents never taught them not to seat on somebody else seat.
hate it.
ohh, and if u have any plan of flying, i suggest u check for MAS ticket first. because my MAS fare is cheaper by rm20 compare to the other airline, and i don't have to hide if i wanted to eat my Fillet-O-Fish i bought before departure.

hihi

Monday, March 1, 2010

...sambungan kisah cinta

hospital merupakan 1 tempat yang asing dan misteri bagi aku.
aku tak pernah menyukai suasana di tempat itu.
menurut ku, suasana suram dan sedih menyelubungi tempat itu sepanjang waktu.

sungguh, suasana sekitar ku mempengaruhi minda ku untuk bersatu dengannya.

bau yang menurutku aneh, memenuhi segenap pelusuk rumah sakit, sangat tak enak menyapa deria bau.

papan tanda "bilik mayat". sesuatu yang ku anggap 'berhantu' ketika aku masih kecil dulu. melihat tulisannya, melihat lokasinya jauh di hujung penjuru hospital yang jarang dilalui manusia dan tak berpenghuni, selain mereka para mantan penghuni dunia ini, cukup membuatkan aku merinding. ahh, tempat itu...


walau bagaimanapun, hospital kini menjadi bahagian dari hidup aku. siapapun yang sedang berduka meratap pemergian keluarga mereka, bau aneh yang terus menerus menyeksa, dan ruang kamar mayat yang tetap terus menerus menganggu perasaan ku, aku cuba untuk tidak peduli.

mungkin kini aku sudah sedikit lebih dewasa, tak berapa peduli tentang itu semua. mungkin dulu, itu semua gambaran menyeramkan semacam dalam filem setan, gambaran palsu semata.

aku buang jauh-jauh perasaan takut itu, walau pernah sekali ku dengar cerita,
doktor yang sedang melakukan autopsi post-mortem mayat ketika waktu maghrib, 'diganggu'...
mendengar hilaian ketawa seorang perempuan di waktu seperti itu bukanlah sesuatu yang siapapun berharap akan terjadi.
wad sakit jiwa jauh dari lokasi bilik mayat, kalau mahu beranggapan itu suara tawa pesakit mental. pengawal keselamatan di luar tidak pula mendengar apa-apa.


diganggu...

tidur malam ku pernah diganggu.
mengejut tersedar dari tidur ku, ku lihat kelibat putih di tengah bilikku. mungkin cuma khayalan.. pergi kau jauh-jauh! cuba untuk teruskan tidur ku.
kali kedua, aku tersedar dari tidurku dan mendengar suara yang memanggilku.
setelah ku cuba untuk tidur lagi, dan semua itu hadir pula dalam mimpi ku...
aku takut.

beberapa malam aku terus 'diganggu'. menurut seorang temanku yang mempunyai kelebihan indera, 'si pengganggu' mengikuti ku pulang ke bilikku dari hospital. hospital tempat 'dia' berjumpa dengan ku.
ada sesuatu yang dia inginkan dari ku. semacam pertolongan...
tapi, pertolongan apa yang dapat aku berikan? atas petua temanku itu, tidur malam ku kembali tenang.

pernah sekali di hospital, seorang teman yang lain menegurku "raf, ada 'sesuatu' yang mengikuti mu di hospital ini... dia bersifat perempuan. dia ikut kamu... dia suka kamuu... tapi jangan khwatir, dia tak akan menganggu mu"


hihi. ni bukan kisah cinta, tajuk entri ni, aku buat lawak saja XDDD

tapi entri ni, adalah serius. hihi